You know doing I guess you could say mini life reviews so I could come to resolution with many emotional states that I wasn’t able to process at that time. So one of the major ones was disappointment and I’m not necessarily speaking about disappointing my parents because of bad behavior or not getting good grades in high school.
Although I’m sure I did disappoint them in their eyes with not being successful like financially and like getting married, having a job, raising kids, having a dog and a cat, you know the American dream.
But as I reflect back on my life maybe that was one of the most important things that has challenged me in a way. I’m normally on that level at that time but this whole thing of being disappointed being disappointed that I couldn’t find a girlfriend going to college and I always thought you know in my mind when I was in high school that hey that’d be great if I could find a lovely woman in college to marry and maybe not necessarily raise a family but a life mate, playmate, life partner, never happened.
Although I may have come close many times but those relationships didn’t last very long for some. for some reason, like they just would drop out of my life. And then I would go through more disappointment and perhaps on some level blame myself for, I don’t know, not being good enough, I suppose, not being smart enough, who knows.
Maybe it was my race being Japanese. Cause I thought about that. I thought about, wow, being Japanese maybe has hurt me in the realm of relationships, you know, the racial thing. You have to think about that a lot.
But now I look at it as a positive thing, being the kind of body that I have. Okay, but getting back to disappointment. I ran a lot of that emotion, trying to always find the right place to live. And there was a time, a 20 year period in my life where I just was moving literally every six months.
could not find the right place to rent, could not find the right housemates. Just was very unsettling, I suppose. So I had a lot of disappointment energy around that. Not so much in college, although it took me 10 years to get my master’s degree.
I knew that I had succeeded on that level, but it took a lot of hard work and a lot of patience and I don’t know how I made it through the last two years of my college life. It’s a miracle that I graduated.
It really is a miracle. Don’t know how I did it. Thank you. And you know, when I started teaching way back, I did some bouts of teaching in the eighties when I was a Canyon ranch spa. I don’t know if I ran disappointment energy then, but I would like give a presentation on trigger work and not a lot of response.
So I used to think, hmm, why is that? I thought I did a good demonstration and presentation, no feedback. But I did get great feedback in my one -to -one sessions in trigger work. So that kind of balanced out the scales in that sense.
But you know, I kind of learned when I started teaching 20 years ago that I can’t let people’s reactions define my experience. So I learned pretty quickly to not be disappointed if I didn’t get a lot of feedback from the work, because I was told from the other side that the energies that we were teaching and sharing with people was way beyond word description.
In other words, it was very, very, very, very difficult. very hard for people to articulate their experience of the energy. So don’t take it personal, it’s just that they didn’t have the languaging to describe the effects that it was having in their consciousness, in their mind, in their emotions, and in their physical body.
So coming full circle, if you had a lot of disappointments in your life, look at it as a teacher, look at it as a lesson in not being attached to outcome, not taking things personal, being in neutral, so to speak, as the observer and the voyager, in these places where you experience having disappointment in one way or another.
And I think on a personal level, I maybe had more disappointment about myself than other people. Like, why can’t I get my act together? Why can’t I create a job that I enjoy? How come I don’t like working for this organization?
And I’ll tell you a funny story. Without any kind of state credentialing, when I was in Scottsdale, Arizona, I applied at this private psychiatric school for elementary school kids as an art therapist, because I got my degree in art therapy and education, and they actually hired me.
And so I had a position, kind of a standalone position as a contractor to do art therapy with the kids, because I love art. So I did that for a couple months. Now, how I got fired was one of the students that I was mentoring, because they have a habit of running off campus and then having to call the police and the police catching them and bringing them back to the school.
So this kid ran away off campus, and they blamed me for the kids running away from campus, having been picked up by the police and having been brought back to the school grounds. And I could never figure out what was the reason for firing me and why I did nothing.
And to this day, I have no clue as to why they fired me. But in retrospect, I look at it like, well, okay, that was a sign that that’s not the best place for you energetically, because they were giving these kids all kinds of psychiatric meds that were messing up their bodies.
Big side effects. That was a bit sad for me to see that. And they also were monitoring the classroom. of the teachers. They would actually have a video camera in there. And so they would pick up the sound and the video of who’s ever was doing anything in that classroom.
And I thought, that’s strange, man. They’re monitoring the teachers now. Wow. Walking on eggshells, huh? So that was one experience where I didn’t blame myself. I was not disappointed, but I looked at it like, okay, now what am I going to do about money and my life?
And so I struggled a bit for some more time. And then eventually ended backstay with my folks for 12 years when I thought I was only going to stay there for a few months to get my act together. So I guess that was another huge 12 year disappointment of like, wow, can’t get my act together, man.
I don’t have any friends here other than my cousin. I’m in a Bay area with all this noise and traffic and pollution, and I really hated it. but that was part of my dark night of the soul lesson. Yeah, I used to have, used to think in the evenings, sitting in the backyard of the house, just thinking, God, am I ever gonna make it through this?
I do not see light at the end of the tunnel. So I suppose I was wanting a lot of disappointment and discouragement energies then, all of which has since been healed, because I learned, well, there’s always help from the angelic realms that got me out of there through a house fire and got me homeless for six months and then forced me in a sense to go to Mount Shasta.
And so I made it that way, but I’m telling you, keep the faith, keep the faith and keep trusting. Okay, so I hope this has been helpful for some of you that are listening. And don’t give up. Stay on course, stay on purpose, no matter what’s happening.
And if you need to reach out to a friend, because that’s what friends are for, right? For a time to chat, to listen, and sometimes to get feedback. Okay, have a beautiful week and I’ll see you on the next Wednesday Musings from the Spirit of New Earth.
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